how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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