Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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