P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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