We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
