why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
