We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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