i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize