If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize