i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
BRING THE BAGELS
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
