also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
