why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
