i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
