So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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