Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
