Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
