Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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