My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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