We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize