tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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