Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well I just put wine in my tea
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
