you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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