we have pet lesbian snakes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
