Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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