THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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