How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
