i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
