we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
