Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He uses pillows to masturbate.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
