if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
