i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
