Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
