just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
