if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
