I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Let's paint friendship bongs
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
