Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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