just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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