well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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