Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
this will be a night to untag.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I deserve this hangover.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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