I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
