I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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