i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
