Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
