Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
