I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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