some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
