i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
