My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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