On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
