And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
