Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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