Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
