This girl is more easily done than said...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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