I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
