I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
