I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
