We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
