oh god the rape fog is back!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
