I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
