But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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