why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
