im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
