u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize