The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize