you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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