Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
