totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
