i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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