I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
