i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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