There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
