The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
