Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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