if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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