I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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