I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
