Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Two words: nipple clamps
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