yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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