Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
