Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
