Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
