My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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