i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
