At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
