I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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