i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize