So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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