I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
