Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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